Happy New Year!

January 1st.  New Year's Day.  The time for new beginnings, new resolutions, new habits ... some say, the perfect time to wipe one's slate clean and start over.

Well, I'm starting over, all right.  As of noon Friday, December 30th, I'm once again unemployed.  The job search begins on Tuesday ... here's hoping it doesn't take thirteen months like it did the last time!

I've lost or left jobs before, of course.  Who hasn't?  But this time it feels different.  Last time, I was grateful; I'd been hating the place (though not the work) and its management for years, and I was just sticking it out until the layoff I could see coming actually arrived (I needed the money, and here if you quit there's no EI to fall back on).  I've left jobs in anger, in frustration, in disgust, or to go to better jobs.  But this time ... I loved that job.  I was very fond of the people I worked with, and got to be friends with a lot of nice customers.  And damn it, I was good at what I did!  This time ... I'm just really, really sad.

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Last night  -  New Year's Eve  -  was pretty quiet here at Chez Chaos.  J was at work, so it was just the Big Guy and me.  We watched television for a while, then he went outside to have a few beers and I curled up with one of my new movies.  Eventually he came back in and remarked that it really didn't feel like a special day, and I had to agree.  The whole neighbourhood was quiet all night  -  none of the usual gongs & whistles.  Don't know if everyone was out partying, or what, but I sure did appreciate the peaceful evening!

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Today was a mix of the traditional (for us)  -  taking down the tree and packing up all the decorations  -  and the new  -  cleaning out the basement.  We've made a pretty good start on it  -  the truck box is almost full enough to do a dump run, and my car is packed full of stuff to be dropped off at a local charity thrift shop.  Now that we finally have room to work down there, the insulation and wallboard will go up this week, and with luck by next weekend we'll be putting up shelving.  After that, I have a feeling the organizing part of the job will be almost all on me, but that's okay too.  It'll give me something constructive to do besides sitting at the computer all day hunting down jobs and sending out resumes.

J has announced the intention of moving out at the end of January; apparently she has found not only two good (I hope) housemates, but a house for them to rent.  I really hope it works out for her; she's always missed East Van and wanted to move back there.  It will also mean she'll have a thirty-minute commute each way rather than the ninety minutes (and sometimes much more) she has to travel to work from here.  And she's almost 27, so it's time to empty the darn nest already!

I have big plans for that room  -  it will become my new workroom/sewing & craft room/office/guest room.  The day after she moves, I'll be in there cleaning and priming, and the next day I'll be painting.  No more neon lime green  -  that will change to pale grey walls and a bright white light-reflecting ceiling.  Since I'll be working with fabrics and yarn, I'll really need a very neutral background and a lot of good light.

This teeny-tiny room I'm currently in will become the Big Guy's den.  He'll have a nice desk, a file cabinet of his own, good light to read by, television, bookshelves, and with luck enough space for that hideous old recliner presently (dis)gracing the living room.  Maybe then all his assorted papers and junk will migrate permanently from the kitchen table, and we'll be able to sit there and eat together ... maybe ... a girl can dream, can't she?

The resolutions I made this time last year have served me well, so I'm sticking to them for this year:

1)  I will work with what I have.

2)  I will finish what I start.

3)  I will step up my efforts to reduce, re-use, and recycle. 

And I'm adding a fourth:  

4) I will spend at least four hours every single day, Monday through Friday, looking for a new job. 

And of course I'll continue to report my progress on all fronts!


New Year, new start?  I certainly hope so!  

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I wish all of you a happy, healthy, and peaceful 2012.  May you accomplish everything you set out to do, and be pleased with the outcome of every choice you make.

 

And A Good Yule To All!

First, a bit of explanation may be in order:

I am Wiccan.  Most of my family are not.  Therefore, I do two celebrations.

Yule  -  Winter Solstice  -  is for quiet alone time for my own meditations, prayers, chants, and reflections.

Christmas is for family  -  lots of good food and noisy fun, stockings and presents and a tree with lots of shinies.


So it's Christmas Eve. 

All my gifts are ready to be wrapped, except one small knitting project to be finished this evening and tucked into a stocking.  All the goodies are baked, there's a turkey defrosting in the fridge, the house has miraculously stayed clean and tidy since last weekend's gathering, and for once I think we have enough tape!  All my holiday cards went out on time, and I've received more than I expected.

Big Guy is out in his workshop wrapping away, and when he's done and brings the supplies back inside, I'll be shutting myself in my workroom to wrap J's gifts before she gets home.  Then she and I will finish decorating the tree and wrapping P's and Big Guy's presents while singing along to White Christmas and The Muppets' Christmas Carol and swilling eggnog.

Tomorrow Big Guy and I will have a quiet, leisurely breakfast before he starts assembling turkey stuffing and I hop in the car to pick up P and her Damndog (yes, all one word).  Apparently, she can't leave him home alone (her partner will be spending the day with his daughter) or he (the Damndog) will destroy her house.  Granted, he behaves well enough here  -  as long as he has P in view  -  but FatBrat kitty loathes dogs, so she'll hide in the basement all day, and sulk at me all day Boxing Day.  Ah well, at least that means she'll confine her hairball-hurling to the basement for once ...

All in all, I'm more pleased with how everything is going than I thought I'd be.  I only had to make one trip to the mall to find everything I'd planned to buy, the weather is nicer than we expected, the house looks nicer than I expected, and I stayed under budget! 

I really had an awfully hard time getting into the holiday spirit ... but today, I think I'm finally there.


I wish you all a peaceful and joyous holiday and nothing but good things in the coming year!

It's Official

We got it in writing on Wednesday ... the office is closing much sooner than we expected.  My last day at work will be December 30th.  Happy New Year.

My first thought was "I'm glad I didn't do much Christmas shopping yet."  My second was "I'm glad Big Guy is still working."  I'm ashamed to say it took me until the third thought to feel badly for N (our office manager / supervisor), who has a little one at home and whose husband's work has been somewhat sporadic lately (not his fault in the slightest, the work just isn't there).

So, here I am again  -  job-hunting in an economy that's as unsettled as it was the last time I was laid off, with even bleaker prospects in my particular field.  

And in a corporate move that really adds insult to injury, I get to spend part of my remaining time at work training my replacement!  Now, I'll do the very best I can with her in the inadequate time I have  -  because honestly, even if she spent a month sitting with me all day every day, it wouldn't be enough to teach her everything.  But a couple of hours a day on the phone isn't going to cut it, and I feel badly for her.  I'll do everything I can for her  -  none of this was her doing, and I'm certainly not going to throw her under the bus just because I'm not happy with upper management.  I have to admit, though, that there's a not-so-nice part of me hoping that said management will shortly come to realize how badly they shot themselves in the foot with this particular decision.  I'm also deriving a bit of satisfaction from hoping they all lie awake every night through the holiday season, feeling guilty about their execrably poor timing and the effect it's having on all of our families.

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Yesterday's gathering went really well, even though there were some last-minute no-shows.  We talked and laughed and ate  -  and  ate  -  and ate  -  and enjoyed each others' company.  I ended up pressing containers of food on everyone to take home, because there was so much more left than I expected.  There are still enough leftovers that Big Guy and I won't have to make work lunches until at least Wednesday, and today I asked him to please not make anything large for tonight's dinner because there is no space in the fridge for any more leftovers!

Now it's time to get creative with gifts.  The stocking stuffers will be easy  -  traditionally, everyone gets socks and a chocolate orange (addictive, those!) in their stockings, so there isn't too much space left to fill.  A trip to the dollar store will take care of the stockings nicely, and with luck provide a few other gifts.  Thrift stores are always good too  -  in fact, Value Village is daughter P's first choice for gift cards!  I raised her well ... I just wish I'd known a couple of months ago that the layoff was coming; I would have made time to make more gifts myself.

I'll spend this afternoon redoing my shopping list, and shop on my way home from work every day.  We have Friday the 23rd off, so anything I haven't acquired yet will have to be picked up then.  Friday evening is Chinese food and Miracle On 34th Street with Mom and sister S, and Saturday is for wrapping and tree-trimming, and watching White Christmas and The Muppets' Christmas Carol and the original Grinch and Alistair Sim as Scrooge.

So ... my house is cleaned and decorated (except for the tree), I have plenty of homemade goodies on hand, and a plan for an affordable holiday.  I'm more determined than ever to enjoy my family, count my blessings, and not let a little thing like unemployment stop me from having a wonderful time!

It's Been A While

Actually, it's been a little over a month.   That's because every time I sat down to post, I ended up going into such a Woe-is-me rant that I shut it down again.  Nobody wants to read weeks of me just moaning and whining about how sorry for myself I'm feeling.

Anyway, here, in no particular order, are the events that kept me from posting anything worth reading until now:

My uncle A died.  It was expected; he'd been very ill for a long time, and I think everyone heaved a sigh of relief that he's no longer sick and in pain.  But at the same time, it was very sad  -  he was the "baby" of my Mom's family (and I think kind of her favourite sibling; they were close), and even those of us who weren't as close to him as we would have liked were sorry to have him leave us.  He was only a few years older than Big Guy; my cousins are closer in age to my daughters than to me, and both have little ones themselves.  It just doesn't seem right that they won't grow up knowing their wonderful, funny, loving, kind, wise grandfather.

I somehow managed to dislocate two fingers in my sleep.  How the heck does that happen?  And in doing so, I also tore the cartilage, and tore the skin on one knuckle just enough for infection to get into the joints.  So I ended up with a honkin' big awkward splint, and two weeks' worth of antibiotics.  Now, antibiotics and IBS are definitely not a good combination ... I'll spare you the details, but believe me, it got ugly.

Halfway through my round of antibiotics, Big Guy got an abcessed molar and ended up on penicillin himself.  It's true what they say about the effect of penicillin on the digestive tract ... and we have one, count 'em, one bathroom.  Let's just say there were a few exchanges of less-than-polite language and leave it at that.

When I went to start doing my holiday cards, I discovered that I'd completely forgotten to clean my favourite fountain pen after the last time I used it.  I had to soak it in water for four days to loosen up the dried ink enough to take the pen apart and clean it properly before I could reload and use it.  Every time I drained the water, shook the pen, and put it in fresh water I felt like an idiot.

Last Tuesday at work, we were informed that the line will be cancelling its Pacific Northwest services mid-February, and "some time between now and the end of February" our company (the agents for the line) will be closing down all their Canadian offices for good.  Hello, unemployment.  Again.  Only this time, I don't know when the axe will actually fall, and so don't know what to plan for.  Of course, come Monday I will once again be sending out resumes and cover letters  -  and this time, I'll also be sending out a flyer advertising my services as a freelance temp.  With the current state of the economy, it's anyone's guess how long I'll be out of work this time.  And this time, I won't qualify as "long-tenured", so I'll only be eligible for five or six months of E.I. instead of twenty months.

But ... I'd hardly done any Christmas shopping yet, so I'm able to scale back my spending budget quite severely without feeling too much hardship.  (Although if I'd known a couple of months ago about the impending office closure, I'd have done this year's craft fairs after all!)  The family party will still be here; sister S has already delivered the gingerbread, and has promised one of her "signature" party dishes.  My second batch of shortbread is in the oven and making the house smell festive, and last week's winds brought down enough evergreen twigs, branches and cones that my decorating will be almost effortless.  And... ta-daa! ... I found the candy canes, so I got to cross them off the shopping list.  The rest of the groceries are in the house, I remembered where I stashed the holiday cookie tins, and I found a super-easy recipe for pumpkin tart filling.  Oh, and J has offered to leave work early on Party Day and whip up a big platter of her killer spring rolls! 

So life isn't so bad after all.  I'm still blessed with family and good friends, I still have a warm, dry home and enough to eat, and I'm blessed with loved ones who understand that this season is really about how we feel, not about how much money we spend.

Kicking It Up

October, in retrospect, was a pretty lazy month for me.  For whatever reason, I had no energy and no motivation; I just couldn't seem to get myself going.  I'd look around at all the things that needed doing, and all the things I wanted to do, and then fritter away the time on things that didn't really need to be done just so I could fool myself into thinking I was actually accomplishing something.

It wasn't until Hallowe'en was almost upon us that I managed to pull myself out of that rut ... actually, to be honest, it was Big Guy who got behind me and shoved me out (without knowing that's what he was doing).  I'd pretty much decided to skip the whole Hallowe'en thing this year  -  no pumpkins, no candy handouts, just me and a good book on the sofa.  But when I got home from work Friday night, he proudly showed me the three gorgeous pumpkins he'd scored on his way home that afternoon, and at that point  could hardly say "That's nice, dear, but I'm not doing anything with them" ... So out came the stencils and paring knives, and by Monday afternoon there were three fairly decent jack-o-lanterns on the front porch waiting to have their candles lit, and a big bowl of (nice but cheap-on-sale) candy to hand out.

So today I'm cooking and pureeing the pumpkins, and toasting the seeds.  I think by the time I'm done I'll have at least two dozen pints of pumpkin in the freezer, and the toasted seeds will be a nice snack later when my friend D arrives for our usual Saturday video night.

I've started my Christmas planning too  -  this year will be my first time hosting the annual pre-Christmas family-and-friends open house, so in addition to my usual notebook lists of things to do and to shop for, there's a new page for party menu planning.  It's always nibbles and dessert-ish things, not a full meal, since people come and go throughout the day.  So far I'm planning to have:

spanakopita wedges
smoked salmon with dill mayo on baguette rounds
vegetable gyoza (maybe)
cheeses and cold cuts, with French bread and butter
edamame
the usual assortment of pickles and olives
shortbread, gingerbread, and sugar cookies
pumpkin tarts
mince tarts
lemon pound cake
coffee, tea, soft drinks


And I won't be spending as much as you might think.  Our local supermarket deli sells trays of cheese and cold cut "ends" for cheap; Costco has excellent, affordable gyoza, edamame, and pre-made spanakopita in the freezer section; our neighbour trades us his home-smoked salmon (fabulous stuff!) for firewood (which we get free), and I'll spread the baking out over several evenings after work.  No booze, since people will be driving.

Our tree won't be up yet, but I can do some nice decorating with fresh greenery from our own trees and the ivy I'll have to cut back by then anyway, and my stash of holiday-scented candles.  Fir swags along the mantel, bowls of fresh pine cones and shiny glass ornaments, and bouquets of candy canes in my crystal snifters ... quick easy decorating that will be almost completely free ... the only bought elements will be the candy canes, which we get every year anyway to hang on the tree  Oh, and a fire going in the woodstove, with the doors folded back so all can enjoy it.

I guess the best way to describe October might be to say that it was kind of a "burnout" month for me.  Or possibly a short-lived episode of depression  -  which I've never been diagnosed with, though it does run in my family.  I didn't feel depressed, really, so much as just really tired.  And I did have a low-grade sinus thing going on all month ... So, depression?  Virus?  Overwork?  I don't know, and probably never will  -  I'm just glad it's over!

Can't Buy Me Love

I've been seeing Christmas commercials on television for a couple of weeks now, and Christmas advertising everywhere.  Come on, people, can't you let us get through Hallowe'en first?  Isn't life hectic enough, doesn't time already go by fast enough?

When our daughters were children, we had a yearly ritual.  During the last week of November we'd make up a big calendar covering the first 24 days of December.  We'd plan one getting-ready-for-Christmas thing to do together every day.  Shopping trips, wrapping sessions, sending cards, baking, decorating one room at a time ... twenty-four days of fun, togetherness, and anticipation.  The to-do for Christmas Eve was always "hang stockings, make cocoa, and watch 'White Christmas' " .

But now ... they're all adults, with jobs and lives of their own.  The pre-Christmas calendar has become a list in my notebook, the decorating and baking are what I do in the evenings after work, the cards get done on my lunch hour at work.  Shopping is done in one marathon trip through Metrotown, made only slightly bearable by the close proximity of my Mom's place; I shop till I can't stand another minute of crowds and noise, go up to her place to deposit bags and swill coffee, and get my second wind before heading back to the mall for round two.

For the record  -  I'm not shopping just for gifts.  Most of my gift accumulating actually happens throughout the year, when I finish making someone's gift, or see something I can afford that I know someone would really enjoy.  This trip is also when I pick up all the baking supplies, cards and stamps, extra groceries for the family get-together and Christmas dinner, whatever craft/knitting/sewing supplies I need, last-minute stocking-stuffers and thank-you gifts, and whatever else is on the regular shopping list for the next two or three weeks.  It happens either the last weekend in November or the first weekend in December, and its ultimate purpose is to make sure I don't have to shop for anything else (except milk and fresh produce) until after Boxing Day.  (It's also the first time I will buy mandarin oranges; to me, they're Christmas oranges, and I refuse to eat them before December.  I'm just odd that way.)

And it's not just Christmas.  It's Easter, Hallowe'en, Thanksgiving, Valentine's Day, Mother's Day, Father's Day, Grandparents' Day, Secretaries' Day, Bosses' Day ... I'm sure I've left some out.  It's all the artificially created, overinflated "holidays" whose only real purpose these days is to be used by retailers to encourage / persuade / guilt-trip us into spending money on things.  To convince us that overspending is the only way to show someone we appreciate them.  To make us all believe that true love can be measured only by how many dollars we lay out.

What's the best present you ever received?  I'd bet anything it wasn't the most expensive present you ever got, but the one that warmed your heart with how much love went into something that was truly, uniquely you  -  the one that made you realize how much the giver cared for you and thought about you.

So here's something to think about ... when you're shopping for Christmas gifts this year, are you thinking about how much to spend on each person?  Or about how best to show them you love them, you listen to them, you pay attention to what they like or don't like?  Do you want them to measure your love in dollars and cents, or in time and thought and caring?